Terri remembered when the novel coronavirus first struck.

The majority of her family and friends could not attend work or school as stay-at-home orders were in the place. She recalled driving to the hospital on empty streets, when normally, the roads were full of rush hour traffic. Terri had to go to work.

She was deemed an essential worker, since she is a nurse at a local hospital. In her purse, she carried a letter from her employer so if she ever was stopped by local law enforcement, she could verify her essential status.

The early days of the pandemic were difficult. She needed to work mandatory overtime with an influx of patients at the hospital. Actually, the hospital could not admit any more people and attempted to find open places at other medical facilities. Terri could not see her mother at the local nursing home as the facility was not allowing any visitors. Neither could she see her friends at their weekly gathering at their favorite restaurant. It was closed. Terri’s husband stayed home with their elementary-aged children. He was not able to work. Their children could not attend school. She missed the normal daily routine with her family.

Through it all, she knew she was experiencing grief from her nursing training. Grief is an emotional reaction to a loss. The loss does not always have to be from a death. Terri lost her leisure time. She lost physical contact with her mother as she held hands with her as they watched “Wheel of Fortune” together. The family lost her husband’s income. Their children lost the socialization of school. Her husband was at his “wit’s end” being home with the children all the time. Terri felt like she was approaching compassion fatigue.

Terri experienced a plethora of emotions such as sadness, anger, anxiety, helplessness, shock, numbness, and relief. At times, she encountered physical sensations like oversensitivity to noise, lack of energy, and a sense of depersonalization. Different thought patterns occurred. Disbelief, confusion, and preoccupations filled her mind. Grief can be manifested through behaviors such as sleep and appetite disturbances, absentminded behavior, restless hyperactivity, and crying. Terri hated to cry. And she cried a lot, especially in her car. She desperately wanted things to get back to normal. When will they?

Even after over a year, things have not completely gone back to normal. They may not. She understood that. At times, she did not know what she lost. She knew she lost some things, but she could not put her “finger on it.” Her losses were ambiguous.

She first had to understand that the confusion she felt was not her fault, but rather, it was the ambiguity of the pandemic. People in her generation simply had not undergone an event like this. The assumptions of the world—of her world—had changed. Those, most likely, will never go back to what it once was. She accepted it. Terri accepted many new things because she knew she could not change it.

But, being a nurse, Terri had become adept at mastery. She learned to master medical knowledge, treating difficult patients, and the hospital dynamics. So, Terri went to work mastering the knowledge of this new disease and how to cope with it.

She can now see her mother at the nursing home but only briefly. Her children are back at school. Her husband has a new job. But the coronavirus has not gone completely away. Her hospital being full of patients is evidence of that. Terri also learned the definition of the word crisis. Within the Greek language, it means “turning point.” The turning point for Terri involved learning to accept the things she cannot change. It also included obtaining new knowledge to change the things she could.

And she shares that with her patients when they experience their crises.

Resources for coping with COVID-19:

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Grief and Loss

https://www.cdc.gov/mentalhealth/stress-coping/grief-loss/index.html

Purdue University

Coping with Grief During COVID-19

https://www.purdue.edu/caps/covid-19/coping-with-grief.html

American Psychological Association

Helping Patients Cope with COVID-19 Grief

https://www.apa.org/monitor/2021/06/ce-covid-grief

Good Grief