TENDRIL OF GROWTH
I leaned back in one of the patio chairs gazing at the mulberry tree branches dangling over the fence into my backyard.
One of the neighborhood squirrels hanged upside down nibbling on one of the small fruits. The squirrel let slip the small berry out of his small paws. It fell to the concrete and rolled. I watched it roll to a complete stop near my feet. I then noticed a small plant growing through a crack in the concrete. About two inches tall, the greenery stood tall as if she announced her presence to me.
One client I have worked with over the past two years, Autumn, also stood tall as she faced difficult circumstances. She received a subpoena to testify against her ex-boyfriend. He had been very abusive to her including emotional, mental, and physical harms. He threatened to hurt her family if she reported any of his crimes. Sitting in jail for the past six years, his criminal trial was about to begin. Autumn received the subpoena as she was the prosecution’s primary witness.
As one can imagine, she expressed much fear about testifying and encountering her abuser in open court. Autumn suffered much trauma and often experienced flashbacks. She was understandably worried. She could have sat in her fright. Yet she made a choice. During her sessions, she showed a minute tendril of growth in the midst of her terror like that small plant spurting through my patio concrete. Since I am attending the Institute for Clinical Social Work, I
recognized her forward edge transference with the tendril of growth. (1) We talked about that small growth. I recollected that she had stated she did not want to be the same fearful person she was and wanted to portray this in court. She and I had been working on processing her trauma. She confessed this, too, was an aspect of her recovery journey.
Over the next three weeks after receiving her subpoena, we had met twice weekly to help her prepare. During those sessions and away from sessions, she worked through her fear of facing him in person again. Autumn and I met before she was about to travel to the county where she needed to go in order to testify. Before she was about to leave for the three-hour trip, she received a phone call. The defendant made a plea deal. Out of the numerous felonies he faced, he pleaded guilty to two off-grid felonies. The minimum he will serve is twenty-five years to life for each count. He will be sentenced three days before her birthday. She said she will be very grateful for the upcoming birthday present.
I am thankful I have been able to learn about the tendrils of growth while in class. That tendril of growth supported her growing courage to face the challenge of going to court, and now, cultivating into the person she wants to be. She said she will be the only person who defines her now, and no one else. I told her I was very proud of her for the internal work she did and facing her fears. She ought to be proud of herself, too, I shared with her. It all started with recognizing a small but healthy germination through the concrete of her difficult experiences.
References:
(1) Tolpin, M. (2002). Chapter 11 Doing Psychoanalysis of Normal Development. Progress in Self Psychology (18): 167-190.
Matthew Benorden, PhD student at the Institute for Clinical Social Work