HOLIDAY ACTIVITIES
I know many people who enjoy the holidays.
A friend of mine loves to bake cherry, apple and pumpkin pies from scratch to take to her multiple familial gatherings during this season. She also enjoys attending her grandchildren’s programs complete with hot chocolate afterwards with the small (not large) marshmallows. And let’s not forget all the Hallmark movies!
I recently changed jobs from working at the state’s women’s prison to a county juvenile detention center. Even though it is still incarceration, I am now dealing with teenagers who are quite different than the women I served. I need to make things more understandable. As one of my consultants told me, the psychoeducation we conduct with the residents may be simple yet profound. A former professor told me, “put the cookies on the bottom shelf” so others can get it. With another social worker, we visit the seven classrooms within our facility every Wednesday morning to teach those simple yet profound, coping skills. On this particular Wednesday, we decided to teach the mindfulness skill of distraction. Tori “borrowed” her one-year-old’s stuffed ostrich for the day. I carried the ostrich with me in my left arm. Upon entering the class, I proclaimed to the class I could not leave my “chicken” at home as the “chicken” daycare was closed. With Tori’s permission, I could bring it to work with me—if Stanley kept quiet. Tori attempted to review a brief description of Dan Seigel’s hand model of the brain and how overwhelming emotions “flips the lid.”
(The thumb, which represents the amygdala, is placed under the four fingers. The four fingers, the prefrontal cortex, folds over the thumb. When our fight, flight, freeze, or fawn reaction is triggered, our prefrontal cortex cannot think clearly. Hence, our four fingers go up because “our lid is flipped.” For more information about this model, please review Dr. Seigel’s YouTube video HERE.)
Tori never ever gets done with the demonstration as Stanley lets out a very loud, “Ka-Kaw!” several times over the course of the attempted presentation. The teacher and the kids roar with laughter. Even the “tough” older youth cover their mouths, holding back the smiles. We then explain that Stanley caused a distraction which interrupted the flow of Tori’s demonstration. Thus, we continue, when our minds are ruminating on a concern, and our lid “gets flipped,” it is time to get distracted to interrupt the flow of the overthinking and overwhelming emotions. Unfortunately, at this time of year, others do not enjoy the holiday activities. Maybe they are reminded of an empty chair of a loved one no longer available to sit at the table. Maybe they are experiencing painful circumstances out of their control. Maybe they have a loved one who is incarcerated.
Several years ago, during this time of year, I had a client who experienced such pain. We explored the pain and how he could cope. It seemed nothing worked for him. Until he decided he wanted to stay busy during the day of the holiday and not sit at home. He asked a friend to accompany him as they delivered holiday meals for the Salvation Army. His friend drove, but he delivered every meal they had. They distributed about 35 meals in an urban area of a major metropolitan city. At the end of the day, he was physically exhausted as he talked to every single person who answered the door. Yet he was emotionally energized. And, now, hopeful. At our next session, he shared that was one of the best holidays he had ever experienced. He distracted himself from those painful memories by helping others. By distracting himself, he then gained a helpful perspective to deal with the pain more effectively.
May we encourage the appropriate holiday activity to the clients we serve.
Ka-Kaw!
Matthew Benorden, PhD student at the Institute for Clinical Social Work